dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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