Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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