The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
