Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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