We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
