She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
