the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They took my balls.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have tasted many bathrooms
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
