fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Randomize
