He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
