he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
