dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
