I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
