Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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