Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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