you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
