My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
