i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think your dad took our porno
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
