Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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