People in love make me want to vomit
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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