There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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