He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
