Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
