Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
