you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
