Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
