lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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