remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
