Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
