I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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