you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
