Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
soo... how was my night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
