i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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