I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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