Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
