her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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