Do you still have your period?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
