I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
