I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
