We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
