I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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