a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
