Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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