Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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