She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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