I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
