forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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