I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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