I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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