Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
