I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
